In this BIT: The ability to cancel plans and set boundaries is critical to our happiness. However, how can we decline others? Find out how to say no below!
Putting up boundaries is critical to our happiness and fulfillment. However, the act of saying no is easier said than done. We may feel guilty for not being willing to do something, say something, or go somewhere. For example, perhaps we don’t want to sleepover at someone’s house, complete their homework, or put-together the entire group project. Perhaps we would rather not hangout with someone, go to a party, or watch a specific movie. Despite the benefits that saying no proposes, we often simply say yes – avoiding conflict and putting the wants of others before our own. How can we say no and set boundaries without feeling guilty?
Acknowledging that you may feel guilty, but saying no anyway is essential. The guilt will fade away, and in the end, you’ll be glad that you placed your own comfort before the wants of another person. Remind yourself that YOU should come first, unless this relates to something your parents or teacher have asked of you. We cannot control how others react, but we should keep in mind that is someone is upset with us for saying no, they’re likely not a good friend.
If you’re struggling with how to decline someone, blame another aspect of your life. People have a much harder time challenging someone who is not present in a situation. For example, if someone is asking you to finish their part of the group assignment, tell them “Sorry, I can’t, my soccer schedule has been chaotic lately!”. Or, if a friend is trying to convince you to sleepover at their house, but you really don’t feel like it, tell them “Sorry, I can’t, I have a busy morning tomorrow“. You’re not lying, you’re redirecting your boundary onto an external factor.
Another excellent hack to reducing the guilt of setting boundaries is to think of saying ‘no‘ as an ode to the request, not the person. This way, your boundary seems less personal (at least to you), and is easier to not associate with any given relationship. For instance, if you don’t want to watch a horror movie, and decline a trip to the movie theatre with your friends, keep in mind that you’re saying no to the movie, not to the time with friends. If you’re saying no to being partners with someone in class, you’re saying no to collaborating on assignment together, not to spending time with this classmate. Boundaries are about you and your comfort levels – not the other person! Never feel bad when you cancel plans or set a boundary.
We hope that these hacks on how to say no bring you feelings of empowerment, and a small bit of happiness.
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