In this BIT: Build stronger relationships by uncovering why feeling and being understood is core to happiness, and exploring tips for understanding others.
In our relationships, we seek to feel loved and connected. Being understood is very much part of this equation. Can you really feel connected with a friend or family if you are misunderstood? Feeling misunderstood is directly correlated with loneliness – no matter how many people we are around, we still feel alone. But, how can we increase the sense of being understood in our relationships?
When we feel understood, the other person helps us confirm our identity. Having others see us as we perceive ourselves reinforces our sense of self, creating feelings of validation and acceptance. A study found that most of us have a sense of unconscious fear lurking in the background, leading us to believe that if we are not understood, it might be as if we never existed. An external assurance makes us seen and fosters acceptance by society, fostering a sense of joy in belonging.
Additionally, the feeling of understanding connects us to the rest of society. It fosters a sense of belonging. On the other hand, feeling misunderstood can lead us to feel alone and detached – this can be painful! We crave to be a part of a larger community, where like-minded people respect and understand us.
A fundamental key to this concept is communication. However, communication is sometimes easier said than done! Try these hacks build stronger relationships start those conversations that can lead to deeper understanding:
Compare Experiences. An easy way to create understanding is by referencing a moment that the other person has experienced. For example, “I feel really anxious about this job interview, the same way you felt really anxious for that test last week.” This allows for the other person to comprehend our own feelings, as they can resonate with an emotion they have already felt.
Use metaphors and analogies. Using universal analogies can help the person listening understand us better, and improve our own communication skills. For example, “I’m so tired, it feels like my brain is underwater.” This creates a picture in the other person’s brain, allowing them to empathize and understand you.
Avoid jargon. Avoid using phrases that might have been heard on social media. If the listener doesn’t know them, it might be hard for them to understand you.
Be yourself an active listener. People will often mirror what they see. If you want others to hear what you are communicating, do the same and listen without judgmen. Also, ask questions.
Be curious. Ask questions to understand better and be open to others asking you questions.
Overall, feeling understood is so incredibly important, but using strategies to enhance our communication skills helps to increase this sense of belonging. We hope that these tips help you strengthen relationships and understand others better, too.
For more happiness check out our Mood Boost page.
Featuring quick videos created for teens by teens.
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