In this BIT: How can you connect with kids and teenagers? See our easy advice for making meaningful connections and hacks for parenting teenagers.
According to psychologist Sonja Lyubermirsky, social connection is one of the top keys to feeling happier. Moreover, teens and young adults are categorized to be statistically one of the unhappiest demographics. How can we find just a bit more happiness in daily life for both parents and teens, and how can parents connect with their daughter, son, or child?
Now, here comes the looming question: If your teen or tween is resistant to spending time with you, having open and honest conversations, and connecting, how can you build your bond? Explore the teenage perspective on meaningful connection in this BITs post!
To connect with your kid or teen, engage in activities that they enjoy. This does not need to be a full-day event! Perhaps ask them to show you how to play their favorite video game, join them outside on the basketball court, or offer to let them choose a fun excursion for you both. If they don’t have any ideas, suggest an art class, cooking class, hike, sports game, or even lunch together. By giving your teen the choice of how they would like to spend time with you – and by showcasing genuine interest in their hobbies – you’ll find a smoother conversation, experience, and connection.
When you show an interest in your teen’s hobby, they feel more connected! Sharing interests is a top tip in connecting with your daughter or son.
Many times when parenting teenagers, teens withhold their experiences, thoughts, and feelings. We might not share what happened at school, why we’re feeling sad (or that we’re even experiencing this emotion), or another important aspect of our lives. This lack of communication often drives a wedge between parents and teens. How can you prompt your teen to open up? Avoid asking direct questions in situations such as dinnertime or while driving (i.e. why are you so quiet? Or, what happened at school?). These direct questions may come off as confrontational, driving teens to simply shut down the conversation with a classic “Nothing’s wrong”, or “It was just a normal day”. Instead, do activities together, and establish a flowing conversation with your child. Perhaps fold laundry side-by-side, cook dinner, or go for a walk with your dog.
Begin by sharing how you feel to build an even ground. Perhaps you’ve had a busy week, you had trouble sleeping, or had a stressful case come up at work. Now, ask your teen to share how their friends are doing – showcasing a genuine interest in all aspects of their life. How is their sport going? An activity? By taking the indirect approach, sharing how you feel, and focusing on aspects of your teen’s life, rather than directly on them; you’ll be able to foster more authentic conversation. Slowly, your teen will get more comfortable with opening up, especially as the timeline of your shared activity (i.e. a walk or folding laundry) progresses.
Make this intentional time spent together a regular part of your routine – not simply once a week. Even a simple and short walk around the block, nightly routine of folding laundry, or playing a round of cards together, is enough to build this habit with your teen.
– How is (your teen’s extracurricular) going?
– How did the game/production go?
– Do you like your team, partner, or coach?
– What are you looking forward to? An upcoming holiday, break, or trip? Spending time with a friend? A movie/book release?
– What’s your favorite family tradition? A Christmas recipe? A well-watched movie? An evening ritual?
– If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be? (Share yours too!)
Above all, keep in mind that in order to build a relationship with your teen; time and effort is needed. Build the habit of spending time together, and discussing lighthearted topics, eventually getting into deeper conversation. Often, teens want to connect and spend time with their parents, but are unsure of how to communicate this or what to do together. We hope that this inspires you to strike up a conversation with your teen, bringing you both a moment of meaningful connection and a Small Bit of Happiness.
For more happiness check out our Mood Boost page.
Featuring quick videos created for teens by teens.
Read this article for advice in parenting teenagers, how to connect with kids, and to connect with your daughter.