In this BIT: Why does self talk matter? Learn to understand your inner voice, boost positive self talk, and stop being so hard on yourself.
We’ve heard it everywhere, from authors to social media influencers, telling us that the words we speak to ourselves make a difference. But can a simple thought really change our day? And can we really use this tool of positive self talk to become happier?
A study from the American Psychological Association found that positive affirmations can, in fact, make us happier in a small yet significant way. The researchers found that self-affirmations have a positive effect on well-being, self-perception, and one’s own feeling of self-worth. In addition, the affirmations reduce feelings of anxiety and low mood.
However, it can be challenging to get rid of our inner critics, who can speak louder than all the positive affirmations. One of the best ways to deal with this voice is not to try to put it down or push it away. Rather, acknowledge it. We should consider: is this critical voice trying to help us, or is it making us more stressed out? No matter what the answer is, acknowledge it, then move on to a more positive thought, affirmation, or perspective on the situation. It is important to acknowledge our thoughts, but to not let them take control over our lives and moods.
Try out these tips to improve your self talk!
Stop personalizing: It can be easy to think that everything that goes wrong is our fault, but sometimes we need to zoom out and look at the bigger picture. For example, if we’re playing soccer, and end up losing, it can be easy to think “If I had played better, we could’ve won.” Instead, reframe your mindset and recognize that soccer is a team sport – the only thing we can do is focus on working with the team towards improving for the next game.
Identify negative self-talk traps: By beginning to look for moments that tend to lead us towards negative self talk, we can identify these moments and prepare to shift our thoughts. For example, if we notice that we start to spiral into self-doubt after receiving negative feedback; upon reviewing someone’s comments or notes, we can remind ourselves that criticism doesn’t define us. We can plan ahead and come up with a few affirmations to use when such moments arise!
Find the humour: Laughing at ourselves, in a genuine manner, is a great way to change the narrative in our brain. By reframing a negative situation/mistake to be something funny, we can turn our mood around.
Find people who are positive: We often reflect the mood of the people who surround us. When people whom we spend a lot of time with talk down to themselves, this type of language registers as ‘normal’ in our brain. Instead, look for people who are kind to themselves and others.
Overall, our inner voice can make a huge difference in our lives and happiness. Changing our self talk is not easy but the above strategies are easy to incorporate and can make a big impact in our lives. Each time that your inner critic speaks up: recognize the thought, consider WHY you’re thinking this, and replace the negative with a positive affirmation. Afterall, being hard on yourself doesn’t bring you closer to achieving goals, building positive relationships, or feeling good.
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