YOUR CART
- No products in the cart.
Subtotal:
$0.00
BEST SELLING PRODUCTS
$2.00
In this BIT: Why should you be social? Below, explore the link between social connection and happiness. It’ll inspire you to be more social and talk to people!
Most of us follow an unwritten rule in public. Eyes down. Headphones in. Don’t bother anyone. It feels polite. However, it also means we skip a small, free chance to feel happier.
Think about the last time a stranger said something kind to you in a line-up, or a cashier asked about your weekend and actually waited for your answer. You probably felt a small bit of happiness. In fact, researchers have spent more than a decade studying moments like these, and the findings are good news for anyone who feels a bit shy.
Psychologists Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn gave people two clickers to carry for a day. One counted chats with close friends and family. The other counted chats with people they barely knew, and even a quick hello counted. On days with more of those light exchanges, people said they felt happier and more like they belonged. [1]
In a second experiment, the same team sent people into a coffee shop. Half were told to keep their orders quick and efficient. The other half were told to smile, make eye contact, and chat with the barista for a moment. The chatty group walked out in a better mood and feeling more connected. [2]
Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder took the idea onto Chicago trains and buses. They asked commuters to either talk with a stranger, sit quietly, or ride as they normally would. People predicted that the quiet ride would feel best. However, the commuters who talked actually had the better trip! In a follow-up experiment in a waiting room, researchers found that conversation lifted the mood of both the person who started it and the person they approached. [3]
Later work with London-area train commuters found the same thing. Talking and some social connection made the commute more enjoyable. Additionally, this study spotted where people get stuck: they expect starting a conversation to feel worse than having one. The first few words are the most challenging part! [4]
It’s often the fear of rejection that holds us back from talking to people. Chicago commuters guessed that fewer than half of their fellow passengers would be willing to chat. But, among those who tried to start a chat, nobody reported being turned away. [3]
We also judge ourselves more harshly than the person we just met does. After a social connection and conversation, people tend to guess that other people like them less than they actually did. Researchers call this the liking gap. This gap showed up after five-minute chats and lasted for months among college students living together. [5]
When Sandstrom and Erica Boothby pooled seven studies, one of the biggest worries people had was that the other person wouldn’t enjoy the conversation. Afterward, most people said it went better than they expected. [6]
The best part? Practice works. In one study, students played a five-day scavenger hunt with missions like “find someone wearing a hat and talk to them for a few minutes.” Before starting, they guessed strangers would be willing to talk about 40% of the time. In reality, 87% of their conversations happened with the very first person they approached. By the end of the week, the students felt more confident and expected less rejection. [7]
How can you slow down? In fact, you can try the activity below!
We save most of our warmth for the people we know best. However being friendly, even with someone we barely know, can turn an ordinary day into a slightly better one. So be more social, start up a chat! Talking to people might be the smallest bit of happiness you find today. Plus, send the link to this BITS post to someone in your life and ask them what they think (it’s a great conversation starter!).
For more happiness check out our Mood Boost page.
Featuring quick videos created for teens by teens.
References
[1] Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. (2014). Social interactions and well-being: The surprising power of weak ties. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(7), 910-922. Read the study
[2] Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. (2014). Is efficiency overrated?: Minimal social interactions lead to belonging and positive affect. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(4), 437-442. Read the study
[3] Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014). Mistakenly seeking solitude. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(5), 1980-1999. Read the study
[4] Schroeder, J., Lyons, D., & Epley, N. (2022). Hello, stranger? Pleasant conversations are preceded by concerns about starting one. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 151(5), 1141-1153. Read the study
[5] Boothby, E. J., Cooney, G., Sandstrom, G. M., & Clark, M. S. (2018). The liking gap in conversations: Do people like us more than we think? Psychological Science, 29(11), 1742-1756. Read the study
[6] Sandstrom, G. M., & Boothby, E. J. (2021). Why do people avoid talking to strangers? A mini meta-analysis of predicted fears and actual experiences talking to a stranger. Self and Identity, 20(1), 47-71. Read the study
[7] Sandstrom, G. M., Boothby, E. J., & Cooney, G. (2022). Talking to strangers: A week-long intervention reduces psychological barriers to social connection. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 102, 104356. Read the study
Why be social? Learn more about social connection and talking to people in this article. Be more social with these conversation tips!
